Twenty-two months after the birth of our first daughter, on July 23rd, 1985, I gave birth to a second healthy daughter. At first Destiny Ciera wasn't nearly as pretty as her older sister. In fact, she looked like a funny little cartoon drawing. But, once again, I was completely in love! Jessica was the first grandchild for the Howards and as a young mom I felt like I had to share her with everyone. So, I decided that Destiny was all mine. After a few weeks the cartoon-face newborn look changed and she, too, was a beautiful baby. She looked just like Randy with those big, round, beautiful brown eyes. Destiny loved her big sister from the beginning and wanted to do everything that Jessica did. Jessica reveled in holding her and even just touching her.
After having these two little dolls to play with, I thought that our family was complete. I worked as a customer service agent for DHL Worldwide Express but my life was my family. At that time, with only two children, the girls were always dolled up in their pretty, fancy Martha Miniature dresses, big hair bows and clean, happy faces. It was easy to take them out everywhere because they were so good and easy to manage. Back then I didn't understand what was so difficult about having well-behaved children. I'm sure that God must have been a bit amused at what I thought I knew and He had a big surprise in the making for me.
Twenty months after Destiny was born, we delivered our third daughter five weeks early. Babies are born five weeks early often and can be quite healthy. This was not the case for our daughter. As soon as she was born it was obvious that she had serious complications. My first clue should have been that she was as blue as a Smurf and very quiet in the delivery room. However, when you're young, have only delivered healthy babies and are lying in a vulnerable position on the hospital bed, things don't compute very well.
The neonatal staff at Georgia Baptist Hospital in Atlanta must have been in my delivery room within seconds because everything seemed to be moving at warp speed and slow motion at the same time.
Our daughter was born shortly after midnight on March 31, 1987. We had not chosen a name for a girl because Randy and my in-laws thought we should "think positive". After all, Randy was the last Howard and we needed a boy to carry on the family name.
Somehow, early the next morning I made my way down to the neonatal unit and saw my daughter. For the first time, it dawned on me that we were in trouble. This was likely going to be a difficult road--at best. Her little 6 pound 5 ounce body had needles and tubes going in and out of places all over her tiny self. As I sat by the edge of her bed fighting to hold my tears back, the words of an old hymn came to my memory. "I care not today, what tomorrow may bring, if shadow or sunshine or rain. The Lord I know ruleth over everything and all of my worry is vain. Living by faith, in Jesus above. Trusting, confiding in His great love. From all harm safe. In His sheltering arms. I'm living by faith and feel no alarm.
Immediately I knew that God had given us her name. Olivia Faith. Living by faith. Olivia Faith.
That old hymn became our declaration over our wee daughter.
On the morning of April 2nd, I was sent home from the hospital without my little girl as other moms beside me got into their cars with their new babies. My heart was broken.
All throughout that day, Olivia had a barrage of doctors running all kinds of tests on her trying to find out what was wrong. They knew her lungs were underdeveloped. They knew she had swallowed a lot of amniotic fluid. But babies do this all of the time and many come along just fine. Olivia was not fine. She and her doctors were fighting for her life.
After I got home that morning I made phone calls to the hospital every fifteen to thirty minutes throughout the day. At some point I was told they were bringing in a cardiologist because her heart wasn't doing well and they couldn't figure out what was going on. He should have the report ready by 5:00 pm. At 5:00 I started to call for the report but couldn't for some reason. I asked Randy if he would call. He called and was immediately very quiet and serious. He calmly hung up the phone and looked at me and said, "We need to leave and go to the hospital right now."
I'll never forget that moment on Highway 42 heading toward Atlanta. We were sitting at a stop light by the Starlight Drive-In Theatre. I looked around at everyone passing by me in their cars and thought, "They don't know that my daughter is dying." Randy gently interrupted my thoughts and said, "If God requires her life of us, we need to be willing to accept whatever He has for her and for us." Through my tears I nodded and said, "I know. but if she dies, no one better say to me that it happened because it was God's will. I know that. But no one better say that to me." I only wanted to share my pain with him because he was the only one in the same place as I was at that moment.
When we arrived at the hospital we had some of our family join us. The neonatal staff called us in to a conference room to tell us that they had finally been able to diagnose Olivia.
Olivia had a condition called persistent fetal circulation. Basically, in terms that I could understand, they explained that when a baby is in the womb, they do not use the lungs to move oxygen. But once the baby is born, the lungs open up and move oxygen. Olivia's body had continued to operate as a fetus after she was born. The arteries between her heart and lungs had not opened up, allowing blood and oxygen flow. Because of this her blood gas levels were plummeting and she was in a dire crisis. They had only been studying this condition at that time for about five years so everything was experimental since they knew little about the condition. Dr. Erkan recommended that she be put on a particular heart-lung machine in order to help her. He said that there were only eight of these particular machines in the country at that time. Two were in San Francisco, two in Washington D.C., two were in Augusta, Georgia and two in New Orleans. After phone calls were made, it was discovered that New Orleans had a bed open and they could transfer her there.
Everyone began making preparations at once. This would mean that a helicopter would move her to the local Charlie Brown airport where a Life Flight Lear jet was standing by waiting to fly her to New Orleans. Randy would accompany Olivia and the medical team there.
As the team began to arrive at the hospital and prepare for the trip, Dr. Erkan and his staff continued to monitor our baby as she continued to grow weaker and weaker. At one point, he sat us down and informed us that he wasn't sure that she would make the two-hour flight. Her oxygen levels were dropping and dropping. Her body was dying. He also shared with us that she had been without enough oxygen to her brain for so long that she faced a strong possibility of being brain damaged if she did survive. When the doctor delivered this latest news, I told God, "I can deal with that, just please let me keep my baby." I had Jessica and Destiny but two girls were not enough. I needed all three of them. Regardless of what was ahead and how difficult the journey would be, I begged God for her life.
We stood outside her little window for hours and hours and watched as these amazing men and women fought for our little girl's life as if she were their own.
Finally, with her traveling incubator in the hall, warmed and ready to transport her, I stood in grieving pain watching her drift further and further away from me. Dr. Erkan walked out, visibly shaken and said to us, "I can't do anything else with her." I quietly turned to walk away before they moved her. If this genius of a man couldn't help, I finally realized that it was out of my hands. Every bit of strength, fortitude, love and desire for her couldn't change anything. All I could do is to place her back into the hands of her loving Creator.
I walked away from her room looking for a place alone to pray. My sister, Tonya, quietly followed, stood at a distance and positioned herself to be available if I needed her.
It was very late that night and the hospital was pretty vacant. I sat on the floor in the hall. I sat there in surrender. Not wanting to give her up, but knowing that was what was required. I told my God, "If you want her with You, I'm ready. She's Yours. Whatever You say, I'm alright with it."
Perhaps I should have had more faith and continued to speak healing over her. I don't know. I do know that I completely surrendered to His will and I was truly okay with whatever call He made.
As Tonya and I walked back through the double doors and looked down the long hall to where Olivia's room was, Randy hurried towards me. "I've been looking for you." My heart dropped. I earnestly believed that he was about to give me the fatal news about Olivia. I had just given God my permission to take her and I, at the same time, feared that He had taken me up on it.
Randy said, "You're not going to believe this. They were about to put her in the travel incubator to move her and Dr. Erkan hesitated and said, 'Let's check her one more time'. Her blood gas levels had jumped from just a few minutes before! He's going to check her in thirty minutes again but for now, he's put everything on hold!"
I couldn't even react. I was afraid to hope. I stood watching her through the window. Thirty minutes later they checked her and once again, her levels were climbing. The staff was cautiously excited that she was finally responding. After a few more hours of testing her every half hour and having the same progress, Olivia stabilized and the transfer was cancelled. We knew that we were witnessing a true miracle.
