Does It Really Take A Village?

I don’t know how many of you are “sports” families but we certainly are!  In Georgia, Randy is probably known for being an excellent basketball player as much or more as being an excellent preacher!  Soon after moving to California he ruptured his Achilles and had to have surgery so his high tops have been retired—for the most part.  I was “just” a cheerleader but our three daughters and son have followed in their dad’s footsteps and played basketball as well.  Olivia and Zach both played other sports so we pretty much had something going on in a gym or at a ball field most of the year during the time they were in school.  Some of our best family memories revolve around some type of a ball!

All combined we’ve had 27 coaches, over 80 teachers, 1 children’s pastor, 5 youth pastors, 4 grandparents, and countless other friends and family who have partnered with Randy and me in raising our children.  I know that a lot of Christians disagreed with Hillary Clinton’s statement many years ago that it takes a village to raise a family but I happen to agree with her on that one!

I’ve always believed that my children had great things ahead in the destiny that God planned out for them.  It would have been near to impossible for Randy and me to instill everything in them that they needed for this journey if we had not had help.  But God, being good like He is, gave us many wonderful people to assist us.

Now with that said, not all of the folks who were in my kids lives have been Christian nor were they all necessarily who I would have chosen.  But, they were who we were given and I’m truly thankful for each of them.  They each made special deposits in the kids' lives that formed them into who they are. 

There were times through the years when a teacher or a coach gave instructions to my kids that I wasn’t particularly pleased with.  There were times, for instance, when one of their coaches would call a particular play, or play another kid instead of mine or any number of things that can happen, and we would completely disagree.  “What in the world is Coach ________ thinking!?”, we may ask ourselves.  But never one time did we say this to our child.  In fact, quite the opposite.  We backed our coaches because they were the leaders of our child’s team and we did not want to undermine them.  We did not want to strip their authority to our child. 

My husband is quite vocal in the stands.  My kids loved it (or were at least used to it) but I’m pretty sure the referees pretty much dreaded him being there. 

Randy and I were raised in the South—the old South and are extremely competitive.  In Georgia, almost everyone was pretty vocal and loud at ballgames.  When we moved to California, we stood out.  The fans here, for the most part, were much more passive and ….not as loud. 

My daughters were in a new high school and playing for a wonderful coach that had not quite figured out her strange new family.  We were at a Christmas basketball tournament in Santa Maria.  As my girls were on the court during their game, Randy was doing what he had done for about 10 years.  He was telling Olivia things like, “Don’t pick up your dribble” and any number of other things.  Our coach became very frustrated with Randy and asked him (from the opposite side of the court) to stop coaching Liv from the stands.  Randy immediately became quite.  He had not realized that he was being a bother to her. 

After the game, our daughters were crying and furious and wanted to go home.  They were upset that their coach was upset with their dad—their hero.  Randy firmly told the girls to be quiet and settle down that this is their coach and they will do what she says.  He told them that he should not have been doing that because it had been a distraction.  And of course, he quickly went to find our coach and apologized to her. 

This coach is one of our favorite gifts that God brought to us for our daughters.  She is an amazing Christian and we all still stay in contact.  She’s contributed so much into Olivia and Destiny’s lives that no one else could have and we are forever thankful for her. 

But, I have to stop and think what would have happened if Randy had responded differently that day?  What if he had been arrogant and stubborn and become angry at her?  After all—these were his daughters!  If he had told that coach “a thing or two” about …. Whatever….we would have missed that deposit that only she could have made into our kids lives!  We would have robbed our daughters of something and someone precious who helped form them.  It was important that we had her back as much as she has had ours through the years.  

Our coach learned that her weird Southerners were her greatest supporters! 

The next year as she led her team, our team, to the State Championship, we were, of course, screaming the loudest!

2003 CIF Southern Section Champs!

Too often today, we become dismayed at our educational systems and our recreational organizations and complain that teachers, coaches and youth pastors are not doing their jobs.  May I present that if we, as parents, were doing a better job of supporting them and not undercutting them, our children would respect them more and it would alleviate most of the problems. 

We’ve given these folks responsibility for our kids but we’ve robbed them of their authority. 

Our Coach Sally Orlando

We can’t be successful without them.  

After all, 

                 

it does 

take a village!

HOPE Does Not Disappoint

 “Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand and we rejoice in hope of  the glory of God.  Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and 

HOPE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT 

because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”    Romans 5:1-5

If the sufferings we go through in life do not produce these things: endurance, character, hope and love, then our sufferings are wasted.  In the middle of our trials we were learning that hope in God does not end in disappointment! Isn’t that great news?

Over the next few days, Olivia began getting stronger and stronger.  She still looked like a frail little preemie with all of her tubes and IV’s.  However, once her recovery had begun, it moved fast. Of course, in the moment, it seemed like an eternity.  After all, I had two babies at home.  Jessica was just three and a half and Destiny was not quite two.

I was experiencing what most moms do.  Guilt.  I felt guilty about whatever I wasn’t doing. Guilty when I said bye to Jessica and Destiny to go to the hospital to be with Olivia.  Guilty when I left Olivia at the hospital to go home to my other babies.  The life of a mother, regardless of how much you do, there’s always much more to be done and something you’re not getting to.

A few weeks later, Olivia came home on a heart and lung monitor. There were so many hurdles to cross, but cross them we did!  This mommy was being required to rely on her heavenly Father to take care of her children when I had no power to do it on my own. 

Liv remained on her monitor for the first thirteen months of her life.  We had many alarms go off and we often had to coax her to breathe.  Eventually she learned that breathing was a good thing!

When Olivia was four months old, we were surprised that, regardless of the fact that we had been using birth control, we were now expecting our fourth baby.  I will say that not everyone around us was as excited as Randy and me.  Oh, the bliss of being young.  I remember that my mom once jokingly (I think) told me, “You don’t have enough sense to worry about anything.”  That’s so funny to me now.  Actually, it was pretty funny to me back then, which must indicate that it was true.

Number four was on the way. 

After a few complications in the pregnancy, we were able to hold off delivery until my 36^th week.  On March 14^th, 1988, four weeks early, Dr. Arshad delivered our son—Yes!  Our SON, Zachary Jordan Arshad Howard.  The night Zachary was born, Randy was as proud as a peacock, as they say.  Zachary was not at all a pretty new-born baby.  As Randy held him that night in the hospital he was smiling from ear to ear.  Zach was born with a bruised, crooked head and a bloody eye.  But that didn’t matter at all.  We had a healthy son.  He would be our last child and we now had an heir to carry on the family name.

He was born two weeks before Olivia turned one.  One month later, Olivia was declared healthy and no longer needed her monitor.  Our family finally felt secure and safe.  Of course, little did we realize that so many trials were ahead.  There would be many more times when we would have to use those “faith muscles” that God was developing in us to see our family reach the destiny that He had designed for us.

At that time in our life, we couldn’t have felt more stretched.  My father-in-law was serving time in prison; my mother-in-law lived with us; my aunt, who was more like my big sister, had suffered a severe brain injury from a car accident; Randy had lost his job shortly after I had quit mine; our pastor was asked to resign and Randy was asked to cover some of the pastoral responsibilities at our church. With all of that we had four children less than 5 years old!

Whew!  The memory of all of that going on at the same time just made me tired!

It was one of the most intense and stressful times of our lives but it was also one of the sweetest times because God was “schooling” us.  He was indeed giving us so many tribulations that He designed to bring about endurance, character, hope and love in our lives.