HOPE Does Not Disappoint

 “Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand and we rejoice in hope of  the glory of God.  Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and 

HOPE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT 

because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”    Romans 5:1-5

If the sufferings we go through in life do not produce these things: endurance, character, hope and love, then our sufferings are wasted.  In the middle of our trials we were learning that hope in God does not end in disappointment! Isn’t that great news?

Over the next few days, Olivia began getting stronger and stronger.  She still looked like a frail little preemie with all of her tubes and IV’s.  However, once her recovery had begun, it moved fast. Of course, in the moment, it seemed like an eternity.  After all, I had two babies at home.  Jessica was just three and a half and Destiny was not quite two.

I was experiencing what most moms do.  Guilt.  I felt guilty about whatever I wasn’t doing. Guilty when I said bye to Jessica and Destiny to go to the hospital to be with Olivia.  Guilty when I left Olivia at the hospital to go home to my other babies.  The life of a mother, regardless of how much you do, there’s always much more to be done and something you’re not getting to.

A few weeks later, Olivia came home on a heart and lung monitor. There were so many hurdles to cross, but cross them we did!  This mommy was being required to rely on her heavenly Father to take care of her children when I had no power to do it on my own. 

Liv remained on her monitor for the first thirteen months of her life.  We had many alarms go off and we often had to coax her to breathe.  Eventually she learned that breathing was a good thing!

When Olivia was four months old, we were surprised that, regardless of the fact that we had been using birth control, we were now expecting our fourth baby.  I will say that not everyone around us was as excited as Randy and me.  Oh, the bliss of being young.  I remember that my mom once jokingly (I think) told me, “You don’t have enough sense to worry about anything.”  That’s so funny to me now.  Actually, it was pretty funny to me back then, which must indicate that it was true.

Number four was on the way. 

After a few complications in the pregnancy, we were able to hold off delivery until my 36^th week.  On March 14^th, 1988, four weeks early, Dr. Arshad delivered our son—Yes!  Our SON, Zachary Jordan Arshad Howard.  The night Zachary was born, Randy was as proud as a peacock, as they say.  Zachary was not at all a pretty new-born baby.  As Randy held him that night in the hospital he was smiling from ear to ear.  Zach was born with a bruised, crooked head and a bloody eye.  But that didn’t matter at all.  We had a healthy son.  He would be our last child and we now had an heir to carry on the family name.

He was born two weeks before Olivia turned one.  One month later, Olivia was declared healthy and no longer needed her monitor.  Our family finally felt secure and safe.  Of course, little did we realize that so many trials were ahead.  There would be many more times when we would have to use those “faith muscles” that God was developing in us to see our family reach the destiny that He had designed for us.

At that time in our life, we couldn’t have felt more stretched.  My father-in-law was serving time in prison; my mother-in-law lived with us; my aunt, who was more like my big sister, had suffered a severe brain injury from a car accident; Randy had lost his job shortly after I had quit mine; our pastor was asked to resign and Randy was asked to cover some of the pastoral responsibilities at our church. With all of that we had four children less than 5 years old!

Whew!  The memory of all of that going on at the same time just made me tired!

It was one of the most intense and stressful times of our lives but it was also one of the sweetest times because God was “schooling” us.  He was indeed giving us so many tribulations that He designed to bring about endurance, character, hope and love in our lives.